November on The Found Podcast is all about family — because if we’re going to talk about building businesses, raising babies, and leading in our communities, we also have to talk about the people we come home to.

This week, I did something I don’t do very often: I talked about my marriage on the pod.

And before I go any further, let me say this clearly:

I am not a marriage expert.
I don’t coach couples.
I don’t have 10 rules for you to follow.
I am just a woman who’s been married 16 years, building a career, raising four kids, and trying — some days better than others — to stay connected to the guy I chose at 22…well, 19 if you count when we started dating.

(PS: Ryan has actually been on the podcast before and you can listen here)

This episode is a snapshot. Not a prescription.

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Why I Hesitated to Talk About This

I shared on the episode that back in the late 2010s I was really into Rachel and Dave Hollis. I bought the journals, watched the lives, listened to the marriage talks. And when they announced their divorce in 2020, I remember feeling… disappointed. Not because they got divorced — that’s their life — but because I had been sold the idea that they had it “figured out.”

Since then I’ve been cautious about presenting anything in my life — especially marriage — like it’s a formula.

So here’s what this is: one woman telling the truth about what’s working (and not working) in her relationship right now.

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The Season We Were Ships in the Night

This fall was a perfect storm for us.

• Ryan was in harvest — long hours, lots of decisions, lots of moving pieces.
• I was stepping more fully into a new role as Managing Director at The Restoration Project.
• The kids were in peak-October chaos.
• And we were both doing that slow drift independent people do when life gets loud.

Nothing was “wrong.” We were still joking, still helping each other, still sharing a house. But emotionally? I felt lonely.

So I actually sent him a text midday and said, “Hey, I’ve just been feeling sad and a little lonely.” (Growth!! Old me would’ve stuffed that down and cleaned the house angrily)

A couple days later he came home early — in harvest, mind you — and said, “Let’s go get margaritas.” We went to our favorite spot, La Hacienda, and I started telling him about my week. And he said:

“Wait… you’re the boss down there now?”

Sir.

It was such a good reminder for both of us:

• For me: sometimes I over-index on “he trusts me” and forget to actually fill him in.
• For him: sometimes he trusts me so much to run with things that he forgets I still want him in it with me.

That’s marriage for two independent people. You need trust… but not so much trust that you stop talking.

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What the Data Says (because you know I love a study)

• Harvard Business Review has found that dual-career couples are happier when they see their work as interdependent rather than competing. We’re not on separate teams; we’re on the same one.
• Pew reports that 46% of women in heterosexual marriages are primary or equal earners — and still doing most of the domestic work. If that’s you, it makes sense that you feel stretched.
• The Gottman Institute says that what really predicts longevity is not big romantic gestures, but shared goals, emotional attunement, and repairing after conflict. Not Instagram, not anniversary trips. The ordinary stuff.

So if your marriage doesn’t look like the ones on social? Good. Mine doesn’t either.

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How Our Roles Have Evolved

One thing I really wanted to name in this episode is that marriage changes by decade.

• 20s: I was mostly home with babies, he was building at the farm. Very traditional roles. Also: more resentment, less communication…from me, not him.
• 30s: I started MKM, he was the steady paycheck and insurance while I built. We had health stuff with our daughter. This decade was… a lot.
• 40s (now): We’re recalibrating. Kids are bigger. My career is bigger. We’re asking bigger questions: What do we want now? What does success look like in this season?

None of those decades were “wrong.” They were just different. Your roles are allowed to evolve as your lives do.

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Tiny Things That Matter More Than Grand Gestures

I said this on the pod and I’ll say it again:

“Your marriage doesn’t have to be Instagram-worthy to be meaningful.”

Sometimes connection looks like:

• margaritas on a Friday after a long week
• updating the shared calendar together
• sending funny reels when you don’t have time to chat
• asking, “what do you want me to know about you right now?”
• letting the other person grow… even when it’s uncomfortable

That’s adult love. Not fireworks — maintenance.

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A Final Word for Ambitious Women

If you’re the ambitious one in your relationship, it can feel like “me chasing my dreams” and “us staying connected” are competing priorities.

But they don’t have to be.

You can be:

• devoted to your partner
• honest about your goals
• and committed to communicating when it’s getting out of balance

Your partnership is yours to design.

🎧 You can listen to the full episode — including the La Hacienda story and the “would you rather: no sauce or no kisses” question — on The Found Podcast with Molly Knuth, Episode 226.